i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
