I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
