I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
