When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
