just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
