I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
