Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
