His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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