I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
