he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
