jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Randomize
