Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
