Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
