ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
