we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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