And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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