hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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