she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
