just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
