i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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