Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
