Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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