Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
