Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
