I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
