Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
