i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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