You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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