I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
