That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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