How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
