He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
