but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
