Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just tell him i said nine months
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
