You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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