4 words: hood of his car
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
