By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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