I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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