please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
