How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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