Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
