dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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