adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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