My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
