If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
