I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
did i walk over a car last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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