He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
