She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
