3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
