I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
