Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
