I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize