if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
