ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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