Is it normal to miss your booty call?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm always down for nudity.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
