I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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