dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
