Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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