its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
