Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
