If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
