I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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