So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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