Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
