I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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