highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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