I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
