I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize