how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
MIDGETS
????
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
