I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's like iHOP with fire
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need moral support for this bender
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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