I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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