apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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