My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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